My grand father, or Dadaji as we called him, passed away a few hours ago at the ripe old age of 91. That’s him with Jack back in 2008. It’s hard to articulate how I feel right now. I lived with him till I was 13, and even though my parents were there too, I identified with him much more than with them–probably the reason why I am much more like him than like my father.

Dadaji was the first person in his family to get a college education, even though it meant moving out of his parents house when he was 13 and moving in with relatives far away. He got a Bachelor’s degree on scholarships, and when he finished he got a job in the Agriculture and Co-op Department of Gujarat. He worked there his whole life, raising five children in a one-bedroom rented condo pinching pennies, and ensured that all five of his children earned college degrees.

He was a great man. I don’t think I’ve ever looked up to anyone more. Every belief I hold at the core of my being is one I learned from him. He taught me to never take anything for granted, because what you have today could very easily be gone tomorrow. I am thankful for the happenstance that made me a part of his family. I am thankful for the way the stars aligned that gave me so much time with him. I am thankful that my son got to meet him. I am thankful that he’s in a better place.

Since I can’t articulate it, here’s Pearl Jam. Rest in peace, Dadaji.

Raju look-alike | Photo Credit imaging furballs

I have always loved dogs. Growing up, my parents didn’t allow me to have pets, but stray dogs are pretty common In India, so I just “adopted” a bunch of them. I gave them names, played with them, and made sure they were fed every day. The dogs there are a much more wild than the domesticated dogs we’re used to and you don’t usually associate with strays, much less bring them in your house. I was particularly fond of one of the dogs, Raju. He was the alpha dog of the neighborhood, and he was fiercely protective of me. He had nothing but tail wags for me, and I absolutely loved the big guy. Then one day he got sick and started acting strange–and everyone knows when a dog starts acting that way it has rabies. All rabid dogs want to do is bite you and then you have to get 13 shots -this- big, directly in your belly button… because, you know, that’s what happens.

The last time I saw Raju, he was limping in the street, looking exhausted and hungry. He saw me from the corner of his eye, turned around and started running towards me. I freaked out, ran into the house and closed the door, and never saw him again. He likely died soon after, alone in a street corner somewhere. I was 10. 18 years later, I feel the same guilt I did that day. He was my friend and I abandoned him when he needed me most.

Over the years, we’ve taken in lots of other animals. Our pack currently has three dogs, two cats and a lizard. We’re the house in our neighborhood that all the stray cats and squirrels and birds come to because they know they’ll find food. We’ve gone out of our way to make sure our home is one where all critters are welcome–big or small, healthy or sick. I enjoy every minute of it and would not have it any other way, though a part of me feels that maybe if I keep doing this, that some day I won’t feel as bad about what happened with Raju, but I don’t think things work like that. I don’t think the guilt of what happened with Raju is ever going to go away, but the least I can do is make sure my kid doesn’t have a regret like that.

Okay, pretty gross, but need to focus on the task at hand and clean him up. Oh crap, his diaper bag is in the car. 2 blocks away. Damnit. So I hand the baby to my wife so she can go clean him up in the bathroom while I walk to the car. Covered in poo. And it starts raining. Perfect.

Ten minutes later, I’m back at the store  covered in poo and drenched from the rain, with the diaper bag. So I put on a new onesie on the baby, that’s been chilling in nothing but a diaper while I was out (because apparently this baby store didn’t sell baby clothes–it’s out of business now, go figure) while my wife goes over to the store next door to get me a new shirt.

She went to three different stores and the only men’s shirt she could find was an XXL blue t-shirt with a picture of a sperm cell on it, with the words “My Boys Can Swim”. Perfect.

Lessons learned:

• If you’re at Right Start and your kid has a diaper blowout and poop is dripping out of it and on to you and one of the employees there sees this happening and knows that you don’t know this, they won’t tell you
• There are people who will make a product even if the only way someone would buy it is if they were covered in poop and there were no other shirts
• When you put a diaper on your kid, make sure the velcro is on the fuzzy part

I know I could stretch this out to be another lesson on why you shouldn’t let it slide when you see your kid being mean to another kid, because habits learned at an early age can stick with them for the rest of his life and you don’t want your kid growing up to be a jerk and so on and so forth–but I’m not going to do that. Just try to remember this the next time you have a run-in with a class-A a-hole–he’s just the annoying kid in middle school, and maybe you’ll be able to laugh off the annoyance.

Happy New Year!

My 3rd grade English teacher made us memorize a poem called He Who Knows, and among hundreds of other poems I memorized over the years (and forgot the minute I had recited them for credit), this one really left an impression on me–maybe because it’s the first time I actually understood what I was reading.

1	He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him.
2	He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child. Teach him.
3	He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Wake him.
4	He who knows and knows that he knows is wise. Follow him.

A little on the corny side, I admit, but it has honestly been at the core of every life-changing decision I have made. Think about all the people you interact with during the day, and what category they fall in. If someone seems to not fall in one of these categories, think harder–they will.

How many people you deal with who fall into category 1? Don’t be shy, you know there is at least one. Now, how often does he get your blood boiling? How often does he get you so worked up that you can’t even think straight? He has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, but will not hesitate to tell you how to do it? Or be passive aggressive in a middle-schoolesque way that makes you wonder what the hell you’re doing interacting with this person? I could go on, but I’m pretty sure you have a person in mind by now. He gets under your skin and it stays with you. But you’re right and he’s wrong, so why should you back down?

Things like this stay with you, gnawing away at you. You’re on the road and suddenly everyone around you seems to be driving like a maniac, cutting in too close, making you more and more angry. You’re home now and with your kid, and you’re trying to play with him but all you can think about is how you got burned earlier and how unfair it is. You’re there but you’re not really there. All because that prick thinks he’s better than you…

Well I’ve got news for you, buddy–it’s not his fault–it’s yours. You know damn well that he belongs in category 1–you knew it the moment you met him. You know he’s full of crap, and it’s a belief that is re-affirmed every time he opens his mouth in front of you. Yet you continue to let him affect you instead of what you should really be doing–ignoring him.

Shun him. Avoid them like the plague. When he starts saying stupid things, take it for what it is–someone saying stupid things. When you have an advantage and you can get in a zinger, let it go. It’s not worth it because it only fuels him more. Let his pointless drivel roll off your shoulders. Yeah, it’s pretty hard to do, but then what in life worth learning is not?

Learn this and it will make you a better person. Practice this daily, and it will make you a better parent.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
–Dr. Seuss

So stop making excuses. You’re an adult! Here’s to day 1 of shunning the irrelevant. Here’s to step 1 of being a better dad.

*fingers crossed*

Or not. Thousands of people die from the “regular flu” every year and no one gets up in arms about it. Yes, it’s tragic, but it’s a common thing and you don’t go all crazy about it. But some right-wing looney discovers some “evidence” that show the government is preparing mass graves because half the people in the country are going to get sick and die, and oh lord the world is coming to an end! I have worked for the government and I can guarantee 2 things: Half the country is, in fact, not going to die from swine flu If #1 happened, the government will not be able to execute these plans …and I’m off my soapbox.

We were at the pediatrician’s office a few weeks ago and he highly recommended getting Jack the flu shot. I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about the flu shot, and neither my wife nor I had ever gotten the shot before. Seeing as my wife works at a place that was just oozing with sick people, though, we decided to go with it.

Anyway, we got to the doctor’s office and they promptly readied the needles. Mommy went first. The woman who turned down pain medication prior to having her teeth pulled for fear of needles had to keep a straight face through it to show Jack it’s alright–and she did great! Then it was my turn. No sweat. Then Jack got his shot and we expected him to cry and scream, but man that is one tough kid! He didn’t even cry.

As to the flu shot getting you the flu–we all felt a little bit weak the day after the shot but 5 weeks out none of us has had the flu.

So there. If you were on the fence about the flu shot, this is my push to you. Go get it, if not for you then at least for your kid. Because no matter how careful you are, there’s at least one guy at your work who thinks he’s not going to pass it to you. And he will.

Except this time. Instead of repeating the song, we moved on to the next song. He raised his head and pointed to the ground. I put him down and he started dancing to the song. It was a sleepy dance, where he basically just shifted his weight back and forth, but it was adorable. After the song was over, he asked me to pick him back up and we danced some more. And then as usual, mama put the baby down. Good times.

Jack’s an awesome little guy and he’s almost always in a good mood. If he’s ever feeling bad, he gets over it pretty quickly. He almost never has tantrums. But there are some days when it’s hard for him to convey to us what he wants, and once he’s lying on the floor, it’s safe to say it’s time for expert help. In our case, it’s a computer running Windows 7 Media Center with all of Jack’s favorite music and about 30 gigs of pictures. He loves music and he loves pictures, and when you put the two together it’s a pretty good combination!

What do you do when your child has the nothing blues?