Project Super Dad

The adventures of a Super Dad (in Training)

Archive for category Life Lessons

Tell Your Kids You Love Them

Jul 25

Posted by superdad in Fatherhood, Life Lessons | No Comments

The thought of death is terrifying to most people, and rightfully so because it’s so uncertain. Will it hurt? Will it be scary? What will happen to me afterwards? Since I became a father, however, the thought that scares me so much more is, what will happen to my son? What will my wife tell him? How would she explain to him what death means? For days after I’m gone, he’ll ask her when I’m coming back–what will she say? He’s so young now–when he grows up he won’t even remember me. I’ll miss so many milestones in his life–and he’ll miss having me there. There will be times he’ll really need me and I won’t be there. Maybe he’ll hate me for not being there for him…

Life is so fragile. One minute you’re in your car, thinking about the day you’ve had, about the thing you’ll do when you get home; maybe you’ll go for a swim, that will be so refreshing. Or maybe you’ll take the little one on a bike ride to the park–he would surely enjoy that. Take the dog for a walk, he sure has put on a lot of weight lately. He needs a bath, too. The car needs an oil change, better take care of that soo–and bam. You didn’t see it coming from the side but by the time you did it was too late. And just like that, you’re gone. Finished.

How do you reconcile with the fact that you could be gone at any second? Tell your kids you love them. Tell your wife you’re happy with your life. Put the shit going on at your work aside for a few minutes, turn off the TV and talk to your kids. As much as they annoy you some times, they’re your family–don’t go to bed angry. You may not get the chance to make it up to them tomorrow.

You Are Your Child’s Biggest Role Model

Jun 26

Posted by superdad in Fatherhood, Life Lessons | 1 Comment

It’s one of those clichés you hear often and it doesn’t register, but it happens more often than you think–your child wants to do everything you do. It’s great when it’s things like wiping his mouth during dinner, or saying thank you, but they pick up on the not-so-desirable things as well. You want your kid to grow up to be good person; you want them to be generous and caring–the kind of person you would admire. But if they emulate everything you do, then it is your responsibility to be that person. Teach by practicing.

I struggle with not judging people, especially when it comes to parenting. But every now and then I see something that just sticks with me. The following are a couple of stores that stick out the most.

The Dog Toy Thief

Max at the camp site, the day after we adopted him

Several years ago while I was still in college, my wife (then girlfriend) and I went to PetsMart to pick up some dog treats on our way to a camping trip, when we saw the most affectionate, well-mannered chocolate lab sitting outside in the adoption area. He had been waiting to get adopted for months, but he was just too big for most people that came by. Air DogI wanted to take him home but we lived in an apartment and already had two dogs and two cats. He looked bored so I picked up an air dog toy for him while I was in the store and played with him for a few minutes before headed out. A little girl who had come to the store with her mom was playing with him and I thought well, maybe they will take him home. About five minutes after leaving I changed my mind about adopting him and turned around. We started filling out the adoption paperwork when I noticed his toy was gone. I went inside the store and saw the little girl’s mom walking around with it. When I asked her about it, she said it was her daughter’s. The daughter turned around and said, no it’s not mine. The mom shushed her and said it was. Not only did she steal the toy from a homeless dog that had no other joy in his life, she was lying so she could keep it. What kind of example is that for her kid?

The Chicken Soup Lover

There is an all-you-can-eat soup and salad place by our house that we visit often. If you want to get a small cup of chicken for your salad, it’s an extra $0.75, but from time to time they have chicken soup. There was a family seated in the table next to us: mom, dad and three kids. The dad got up and brought back 16 bowls of chicken soup in a tray. It seemed odd but I figured maybe they had more people coming. A few minutes later I noticed he was pulling chicken out of each bowl, and leaving the rest there, and actually encouraging his kids to do the same.

There are lots of lessons that can be learned from situations like these, though most of them are not very nice. The lesson I try to learn out of it is to try to be (or at least act like) the person I’d want my child to be—in this case, it’s withholding judgment on other people.

Fail.

Happiness is a Choice

Apr 27

Posted by superdad in Fatherhood, Life Lessons | 4 Comments

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Sure, we all want to be happy, but do we really pursue happiness, or things we think will lead to happiness? The happiest people in the world are not necessarily the richest, or the healthiest. It’s not the ones with the nicest cars or the tightest abs. The happiest people are the ones who love what they have. The happiest people are the ones who choose to be that way.

There are tons of things to be happy about around you; you just have to make the choice to acknowledge them. You have to want to be happy.

“No shit,” you say. “Of course I want to be happy! But how can I be happy when my boss is a prick and I have no time to work out so I’m out of shape and my friends are jerks that blow me off and my wife doesn’t let me eat the stuff I like.”

Now I’m not the most positive person to be around–far from it. My self-deprecating humor and glass-is-half-empty view of the world is usually bums people out. I have enlightening moments from time to time when I realize that I have more stuff than I thought I’d ever have, more fun at my job than I thought I ever would, a better family than I thought I ever would–I should be a lot happier than I am right now. But the minute something insignificantly small doesn’t go my way, I’m back to saying everything sucks.

At home after a painful surgery and long recovery ahead, unable to walk, in a lot of pain--but the tail is still wagging

Happiness is a choice. You have to choose to be happy. Your kid gave you a hug this morning. The lady in the car at the stop sign said, “after you”. The guy in the elevator held the door open for you. There are plenty of reasons to smile and be happy. When you’re happy, you feel good. When you’re angry, you feel bad. Yeah, that’s pretty obvious. But if it’s so obvious, why do you waste your time being angry?

I don’t usually talk like the magical character in a movie on the Oxygen network while inspirational music plays and the lead character vows to turn his life around–but in an effort to be more present during the couple of hours of time I get with my son every day, I decided things needed to change.

We’re going through a pretty stressful transition at my work right now–the kind of stuff you lay in bed thinking about in the middle of the night. On my way to work this morning, I decided every time I started to get stressed out, I was going to take a deep breath, smile, and think of my son. Every time I started getting angry about something someone did, I was going to think to myself, “man, he’s probably really stressed out–that sucks for him.” That’s all. Two very simple things. I tried it for one day, and the results were amazing. This was likely the most stressful day I’ve had at work in months, but this is also the least stressed I’ve been about work in months.

So I say again, happiness is a choice.

That jerk that cut you off probably just has to pee really bad. Your coworker is being a douche because he was up all night comforting his sick child.

Choose to be happy. Try it.

They Love Their Children, Too

Apr 1

Posted by superdad in Fatherhood, Life Lessons | No Comments

Living in houses with central heating and cooling, sleeping on beds with adjustable firmness, driving cars with sixteen cup holders on roads paved to perfection, it is so easy for us to forget that the standard of living we consider so normal is above and beyond what people in many other parts of the world can even imagine. We are bombarded with news of things that are going wrong around the world so much that it’s difficult to fully comprehend what it is we’re hearing. Everybody does it and I’m no different.

Every now and then, though, I hear or read something that gets me right in the gut. One such story was what I heard on the radio this morning. A Yemeni man who was arrested and shipped off to Guantanamo Bay in 2004. Okay, he was probably a bad man and I don’t really have a lot of sympathy for him. While he was gone, his father, mother, two sons and an uncle died. Okay, feeling a little bit bad for him now, but eh, he’s a bad man. But then they said something that has been haunting me all day:

Hila’s two young sons died when a grenade they were playing with exploded.

Wow. Here I am, thinking maybe I’m failing as a father because my 26-month old son has a hard time recognizing the letter “R”, and these boys were playing with a grenade. And died. Can you imagine the grief he must have felt when he found out? Or his wife’s grief, or the grief of the rest of the family.

It wasn’t till I became a father that I fully realized that whatever our differences, we all love our children.

Tags: ,

Don’t Tattoo Your Kids

Jan 16

Posted by superdad in Fatherhood, Life Lessons | No Comments

also, it's bright when the sun is out

Every now and then I hear something and go, seriously? Someone needed to be told that? But then I read a headline like “Georgia parents defend giving kids tattoos“, and it makes those stupid “Slippery When Wet” traffic signs don’t seem like such a bad idea.

The short version of the story is, a man and his wife both have tattoos, and apparently their kids (ages 10-17)  liked them, so they got them tattoos too. It’s kinda like when your kid keeps wanting to eat out of your bowl so you get him a bowl of his own. Same logic, only with something that will stay with the kid for the rest of his life.

Now I’m not one of those nuts that think tattoos are evil, or that getting one guarantees a one way ticket to hell, or anything moronic of that sort. I’ve got a tattoo of my wife’s name and see myself getting another one in the near future. But seriously, getting a 10-year old a tattoo? That’s a little extreme. It’s illegal for a minor to get a tattoo because they are most likely not capable of understanding the repercussions of a decision that will affect the rest of their lives. Hell, most adults aren’t even capable of that!

A few years ago I worked at a cosmetic surgeon’s office while covering for a coworker, and I saw more dysfunctional people in two days than I normally do in two years. Again, not saying cosmetic surgery is wrong, but many of the people who get it could use a good head examination.  My favorite was the lady with the unnaturally tight face who brought her 13 year old daughter in for collagen injections. Seriously, good job ensuring your kid will need therapy for the rest of her life.

This is what happens when you don’t pay teachers well–you get a population riddled with morons.

Tags: , ,

Adults are just kids that have been around longer

Jan 1

Posted by superdad in Growing Pains, Life Lessons | No Comments

Earlier today I went to Discount Tire Co. to get a flat repaired on my wife’s car. All the parking spots near the entrance were taken so I parked farther away and was walking to the entrance, when I saw a woman pull into the lot. We made eye contact, and then she zoomed past me and into the handicap spot by the entrance, got out of her car, and ran inside so she’d get in before me. All I needed was a flat repaired while she was getting tires replaced and some other stuff, so it cost me an extra 45 minutes. While that had me saying quite a lot of words I wouldn’t say in front of my kid, it solidified the belief I already had: grown ups are just kids that have been around longer. Sure, people could mature as they get older, but there’s no guarantee that they will.

I know I could stretch this out to be another lesson on why you shouldn’t let it slide when you see your kid being mean to another kid, because habits learned at an early age can stick with them for the rest of his life and you don’t want your kid growing up to be a jerk and so on and so forth–but I’m not going to do that. Just try to remember this the next time you have a run-in with a class-A a-hole–he’s just the annoying kid in middle school, and maybe you’ll be able to laugh off the annoyance.

Happy New Year!

Tags: ,

Be a Better Dad — By Being The Bigger Man

Nov 23

Posted by superdad in Fatherhood, Growing Pains, Life Lessons | No Comments

Growing up in India, my middle-school language teachers often made us memorize poems. The thought being that if you’re able to repeat what the best in the world have had to say, that somehow it will make you a better person. Though I agree that there is tremendous value in learning from what the best had to say, I always had a problem with repeating things that I did not understand (and the emphasis in these classes was on whether or not you can memorize it, not if you understood it). Anyway, putting aside the commentary on the merits of memorizing over understanding, on to my point.

My 3rd grade English teacher made us memorize a poem called He Who Knows, and among hundreds of other poems I memorized over the years (and forgot the minute I had recited them for credit), this one really left an impression on me–maybe because it’s the first time I actually understood what I was reading.

1 He who knows not
and knows not that he knows not
is a fool. Shun him.
2 He who knows not
and knows that he knows not
is a child. Teach him.
3 He who knows
and knows not that he knows
is asleep. Wake him.
4 He who knows
and knows that he knows
is wise. Follow him.

A little on the corny side, I admit, but it has honestly been at the core of every life-changing decision I have made. Think about all the people you interact with during the day, and what category they fall in. If someone seems to not fall in one of these categories, think harder–they will.

How many people you deal with who fall into category 1? Don’t be shy, you know there is at least one. Now, how often does he get your blood boiling? How often does he get you so worked up that you can’t even think straight? He has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, but will not hesitate to tell you how to do it? Or be passive aggressive in a middle-schoolesque way that makes you wonder what the hell you’re doing interacting with this person? I could go on, but I’m pretty sure you have a person in mind by now. He gets under your skin and it stays with you. But you’re right and he’s wrong, so why should you back down?

Things like this stay with you, gnawing away at you. You’re on the road and suddenly everyone around you seems to be driving like a maniac, cutting in too close, making you more and more angry. You’re home now and with your kid, and you’re trying to play with him but all you can think about is how you got burned earlier and how unfair it is. You’re there but you’re not really there. All because that prick thinks he’s better than you…

Well I’ve got news for you, buddy–it’s not his fault–it’s yours. You know damn well that he belongs in category 1–you knew it the moment you met him. You know he’s full of crap, and it’s a belief that is re-affirmed every time he opens his mouth in front of you. Yet you continue to let him affect you instead of what you should really be doing–ignoring him.

Shun him. Avoid them like the plague. When he starts saying stupid things, take it for what it is–someone saying stupid things. When you have an advantage and you can get in a zinger, let it go. It’s not worth it because it only fuels him more. Let his pointless drivel roll off your shoulders. Yeah, it’s pretty hard to do, but then what in life worth learning is not?

Learn this and it will make you a better person. Practice this daily, and it will make you a better parent.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
–Dr. Seuss

So stop making excuses. You’re an adult! Here’s to day 1 of shunning the irrelevant. Here’s to step 1 of being a better dad.

*fingers crossed*

Tags: